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RESPECT |
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1.
Respect is a Gift Respect
can only be given. You cannot take it. You cannot force it.
You cannot extract it. If respect is earned, others give it
freely. It can’t be faked or falsified. If others give
respect, it’s because it was genuinely earned. 2.
Give First, Then Get In order
to “get” this gift, you’ve got to first give it! Rarely
is respect given to a person, if they don’t first give it to
others. It’s transparent and can’t be faked. If you
genuinely “give” respect to others, you’ll be on your
way to getting some in return. 3.
Listen with all your senses One
surefire way of respecting others is to genuinely listen. Keep
your mind totally blank and simply “be there,” presently,
open to what they are really saying. Pay attention to their
words. To their eyes. To their body language. Don’t respond
immediately. Just listen. Pause. And consider what this other
person is really communicating. 4.
Restate to be clear Restate in
your own words what the other person said. There’s so much
room for misunderstanding in the world today because
communication happens so quickly. We try to take a lesson from
the slowness of tea and find that being slower with
communication, and less snappy on the “submit button,”
that we are clearer and more efficient in the long run.
Rephrase what the other person said, in your own words, so
they are confident you really listened and heard them. 5.
Connect Take in
what the other person is saying and consider what they really
want. They might be asking for a raise, but they might really
be asking for more personal freedom. If you can connect to
their deeper needs and wants, not just what they’re
explicitly saying, you’ll have a chance for a more profound
connection over implicit needs. These are less obvious and yet
more powerful. If you can connect to the feelings, and really
see where the other person is coming from, they will feel
heard, and be more open to listening to you, connecting, and
ultimately to respecting you. 6.
Discuss What Matters OK – so
you’ve listened and connected and still there’s
disagreement? That’s ok! You don’t have to always come to
agreement or harmony in order to have respect. If you’re
fair, open, clear and you truly listened and connected – the
odds are that respect will flourish. You don’t need to be
friends with others in order to respect them. Liking is for
friends and lovers. Respect is for fostering effective teams
that are aligned and that achieve huge goals. At work, it’s
ideal if we all like each other, but, it’s just not always
possible. -- Jesse
Jacobs, founder, Samovar Tea Lounge
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