|
There is a Zen saying:
“This being the case, how shall I proceed?” This adult
question implies an acceptance of reality as it is or of a
partner as she is – that is, mindfully. Alternatives would
be “This being the case, how should you proceed” or “I
can complain,” or “I expect you to change it” or “I
will retaliate.” It is a turning point toward commitment
when one partner accepts the other as she is – for example,
as a procrastinator – and instead of complaining, looks into
himself and asks, “How shall I proceed? Do I wait for her to
change, or do I find a way to take care of myself and attend
to my concerns using my own resources?” This is not a way of
distancing ourselves from her but of taking responsibility for
our behavior and predicament. It grants us power because it
puts us in touch with our inner authority.
-- David Richo
|
