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Mourning is the appropriate response to the loss of what we once had or to the sad realization that we did not have all we needed. We are grieving the irretrievable aspect of what we lost and the irreplaceable aspect of what we missed. Only these two realizations lead to resolution of grief because only these two acknowledge, without denial, how truly bereft we were or are. From the pit of this deep admission that something is irrevocably over and gone, we finally stand clear of the insatiable need to find it again from our parents or partner. To have sought it was to have denied how utter was its absence!
Griefwork done with consciousness builds self-esteem since it shows us our courageous faithfulness to the reality of loss. It authenticates us as adults who can say Yes to sadness, anger, and hurt. Such an heroic embrace of our own truth transforms emptiness into capacity. As Jung notes, “your inner emptiness conceals just as great a fullness if you only allow it.”
-- David Richo
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