In order to experience true intimacy, we need to get rid of certain socially programmed ideas about physical relationships, sex and spirituality. I would like to offer the following insights regarding sex and spirituality:
(1) Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe. All things that are alive come from sexual energy. In animals and other life forms sexual energy expresses itself as biological creativity. In humans, sexual energy is the energy of spirit, creative at all levels: physical, emotional and spiritual. In any situation where we feel: attraction, arousal, awakening, alertness, passion, interest, inspiration, excitement, creativity, enthusiasm, in each of these situations sexual energy is at work. Whenever we feel these states of awareness, we must put our attention on these states that we are experiencing, nourishing it with our attention, experiencing it with joy and keep it alive in our awareness.
(2) Sexual desire is sacred and chaste. The suppression of sexual energy is false, ugly and unchaste.
(3) During sexual union there is union between flesh and spirit.
(4) Bliss, carefreeness and playfulness are the essence of sex.
(5) To improve your sexual experiences: Get rid of your expectations! Expectations are primarily in three areas:
Performance. Exemplified in the question: How am I doing?
Feeling: How am I feeling?
Security. Exemplified in the question: Do you love me?
(6) In sex as in all areas of life, resistance is born of fear. All resistance is mental. It implies judgment against what is being felt. Sex becomes a problem if it becomes mixed with hidden emotions, such as shame, guilt and anger.
(7) Sexual intimacy is the road to the taste or experience of true freedom, because it is the one area of life, in which we can be completely uninhibited and free.
(8) Sexual fulfillment occurs, when the experience comes from playfulness instead of need. Frequently people bring their conflict and needs into the sexual experience. When sex is used to fulfill needs it leads to addiction. When sex comes from playfulness, the result is ecstasy.
(9) All problems, related to sex, neurosis, deviancies, sexual misbehavior, violence, can be traced to resistance, suppression and repression, not to the sexual urges themselves. If we are allowed to discover our urges, desires and emotions, without outside inhibition they won’t go to extremes. Extremism in any from is a reaction to repression, inhibition and suppression. Aggression and violence are the shadow energies or fear and impotence.
(10) Sex is a means of escaping our little self or ego. It is many peoples only experience of meditation.
(11) Meaningful sex has to be value based. Values are personal. Each situation that has sexual energy in it involves the whole human being and their entire value system. My values maybe different from yours and I have no right to be the moral judge of anyone’s values. It is important however, to have core values and respect them. Without values we become spiritually bankrupt. Sexual experience will never cause problems and will always be joyful if lovers share the same values.
In summary: True intimacy is union between flesh and flesh, between subtle body and subtle body, between soul and soul. Sexual energy is sacred energy. When we restore sexual energy to the realm of the sacred our world will be chaste and divine wholly and healed.
-- Deepak Chopra
Q: A long time ago I experienced, late one nite, roasted, drunk, blah, blah, blah!!! This brother picked me up and drove me to his place and screwed me good. He said I was hot!!! I really liked it, had an anal orgasm!!! It was indescribable. I loved it!!! He gave me his number. But I was too shy to call back. Never saw him again. So I bought dildos and proceeded to fuck myself and get drunk or high (weed) every night!!! What does that make me? Closet drunk? Closet English cigarette? I like pussy, too! Whatzup?!
A: I don't have the faintest idea!!!
-- Dan Savage in his “Savage Love” column