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Sex is a way in which the mysterious forces of the universe
find themselves inside predictable bourgeois lives and
overthrow their predictability. It's a very powerful force
that perhaps everyone else understands and I don't. Or perhaps
nobody understands.
-- Wally Shawn
SEX
The feminine desires the fullness of love and the masculine desires the freedom of emptiness, and so there are two sexual paths to one spiritual bliss.
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In a sexually polarized relationship between healthy lovers, sexual availability is often a sign of open-heartedness and energetic bodily fullness. Sexual closure, on the other hand, is often a sign of unlove, closed-heartedness, and dissociation from the body. Practice keeping your body relaxed, your heart open, and your energy flowing. In other words, practice the disposition of sexual availability to love, without necessarily having sex. Sexual availability simply means you have the capacity to respond to love with the energetic openness of your body.
Whether you are a man or woman, when you are stuck in your head, in your ideas, plans, and concerns, then your body is denied consciousness and energy. It is as if you exist only in the top few inches of your skull, the rest of you hanging there like a puppet attached to the strings of your mental intention.
When you deny yourself full and conscious embodiment, your body begins to wither and stiffen. When you unceasingly withdraw energy upward into the heady realms of strategy and future goals, sex dries up. If you have sex at all, it becomes a lurid quickness, an expeditious method to make contact with your partner, spasm in lust, and thunk into sleep. This kind of sex depletes the body of what little energy it retains, helping you to conk out so that the next day’s work can begin when the alarm rings.
It is no wonder that many people are sexually unavailable to their lovers; they are stuck in their heads, drained of sexual energy, narrowed in their emotions, or simply disconnected from, and unaccustomed to, the full flow of love in their bodies.
If your lover comes to you in love, and you are simply too busy to respond sexually, fine. It is healthy and necessary to be able to focus on your work or your children and say “no” to your lover when appropriate. But if your “no” is accompanied by a limp body, a dry body, an empty body, a resistive body, an angry body, a fearful body, a body of shallow breath, rigid pelvis, and genital absence, then you are not
choosing “no.” You are a slave to the habit of
unlove.
A readable sign of the degree of your bodily inhabitance is genital readiness. Man or woman, does energy flow through your body when your partner touches you lovingly? Or are you so enclosed in your head that your body resists much ministrations? Again, there is a difference between choice and resistance. Choice is a loving, soft, intimate decision, “No, my love, not now.” Resistance is a reflexively closed or simply numb non-response, an inability to receive or give love through the body.
If your body can’t receive love and be moved by love, then you won’t be able to give your true gifts through your work or to your family. All true gifts are gifts of love. Sexual availability, your capacity to flow with sexual energy, is a quick measure of your love capacity. If your body is unable to receive and give sexual energy – even for a moment, before you get back to work – then more than likely your life is suffering from lack of love.
If your energy is blocked, practice receiving and giving love with your whole body, through every inhale and exhale, even as you perform your necessary duties. Sexual availability is a matter of relaxing into the natural openness and power that you are, through breathing and feeling from your deep core fully and persistently. Then your true depth of love and consciousness can freely express itself through your body as you engage in intercourse with the world, day and night.
-- David Deida, Finding God Through Sex
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