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The play of domination and submission is only truly restorative when it leads both participants to love beyond their present limits. With practice, the dominator learns to take total responsibility for guiding both participants into devotional surrender – to one another, and then through one another into open love. The dominator learns to navigate the sexual play toward divine surrender, not simply toward egoic pleasurization. The desire to trustfully guide a lover toward heart surrender in whole-body ecstasy is one thing; the self-aggrandizing need to control someone in order to feel strong is quite another.
-- David Deida
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