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In post-AIDS worlds, negotiated safety [an Australian program with counterpart efforts
throughout Canada and Western Europe) is precisely what prevention groups should be intent on, not only for gay men in primary relationships, but as a foundational concept informing all work with gay men. A brochure published by the AIDS Council of New South Wales titled "Talk, Test, Test, Trust ... Together" states:
Using condoms remains the safest way of having anal sex, but . . .if you are in a gay relationship and you want to fuck without condoms, then there are 4 steps to take together: (1) Talk about it; (2) Both get tested; (3) Get tested again; (4) Trust each other to tell.
The last point, "Trust each other to tell," seems to me to lie at the heart of the concept of negotiated safety:
Reach a clear agreement about sex inside and outside the relationship. Possible agreements include: (a) no condom together; (b) no anal sex outside the relationship; (c) all anal sex outside the relationship is with a condom; or (d) no sex outside the relationship. Recognize that people don't always stick to agreements, and that accidents can happen. If a slip-up occurs, it doesn't mean the end of the relationship. It does men you will both have to go back to using condoms again. Don't punish each other for telling the truth. Agree to start the TALK TEST TEST TRUST process again ... together.
-- Eric Rofes, Dry Bones Breathe
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