|
We can’t decide to be loving, even though it seems like a wise idea. I recall hearing the Dalai Lama explain that it was sensible to rejoice more in the good fortune of others than in one’s own since there were so many more others. It is sensible. Also difficult. Unless our own mind is contented, we feel jealous, or envious, or greedy. The Dalai Lama has also been an exemplar, particularly in his attitude toward the Chinese government, of being able to speak out for justice without animosity. Also very sensible. Also very difficult.
Although I trust that being a peaceful person passionately committed to justice and kindness is a possibility, my own emotional response operates along a continuum with delighted selfless service at one end and preoccupied self-absorption at the other. I think this is normal. Self-protection on a psychological or physical level is an instinctive biological response and probably serves as a warning mechanism. It’s valuable, in the short run, spurring us on to take action. In the long run, it’s not valuable. The habit of continuing to recriminate, even when threats are over, in order to remember who or what to regard as dangerous, precludes the possibility of healing.
Embittered mind is painful. Even though I see bumper stickers that say, “Revenge is sweet” or “I don’t get mad, I get even,” I think most people don’t believe it. Whenever I say to a group of people, “Pretend this pitcher of water has a magic herb in it that dissolves all grudges, erases them from memory. Who here wants a sip?” everyone raises a hand.
Traditionally the technique for managing to open the heart toward people who have hurt us -- the “enemies” -- is to think of some good they have done. Here is an alternative practice suggestion that works for me. When I discover that it is hard for me to wish well to someone, I wish myself well instead. Rather than think of the good in them, I think of the pain in me. I say to myself, “I’m in pain. I feel angry (Or sad. Or jealous. Or frightened.)” and I let myself feel it. And then, in genuine compassionate response to my own pain (which is actually the only pain I can ever truly feel), I say:
May I be happy,
May I be peaceful,
May I be free of suffering.
and I really mean it. The more deeply I connect with my distress, the more dedicated and steady my resolves. The more steady I am, the more concentrated I become. As more concentration develops, I begin to feel calmer. The rapture of concentration is an antidote to antipathy, and I feel less angry. In the best of circumstances, I become relaxed enough and clear enough to understand the karma of the situation. Compassion for everyone involved replaces resentment. Life, rather than people, is forgiven. And I feel content.
-- Sylvia Boorstein
Forgiveness means giving up any hope for a better past.
-- unknown
|
