|
I have noticed that there is a lot of blind faith, even fanaticism, among sex radicals in the belief that all consensual sex is a totally positive thing. (I was once one myself.) Until recently, it seemed important to be wholeheartedly "sex positive," to defend and encourage all promiscuity, all kinks and fetishes, all getting paid for sex, all group sex, etc. There were so many forces against our sexual choices, including our own inner voices. But my sense is that now lots of those battles have been won. We've reached a critical mass, and as Betty Dodson said recently, "We've changed the world." Perhaps there's no need to keep fighting for or defending something that we largely have and know to be true. I think this modus operandi has become obsolete.
For the past six months I have had the great luxury of taking some time to look back, to reflect, analyze and critique my personal sexual journey. Yes, I had a lot of fun, gave and received a lot of pleasure, and had a lot of great orgasms, but I have also come to see that I was also quite naive, very immature, and in denial about a lot of things. I'm realizing that much of the porn, prostitution, S/M and group sex I had "in the name of love and sex positivism" wasn't necessarily all "healing and enlightening" but, on occasion, abusive to myself and others and often perpetuating a totally dysfunctional, destructive, patriarchal model of sexuality. I now realize that I was often motivated more by a low self image, the need for money, a desire for power, fear of intimacy, the need for attention, an addiction to intensity, etc., than I was aware of or cared to admit.
As I begin to speak out, albeit sometimes clumsily, about my realizations to my friends and colleagues, I meet with a lot of resistance...It is so precious to have a place to speak out about (and perform about) our "mistakes," doubts, hurts, angers, fears, bullshit, and dislikes, and to feel free to be critical about all the stuff we've been so busy defending. How precious to have a place which is so sex positive that we can be "negative."
-- Annie Sprinkle
|
