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All groups eventually face conflict. It is not a sign of failure but of change
and potential growth.
--Name the Shadow; name the conflict; speak the truth.
--Own your own Shadow; ask, "What is my part? What is my responsibility?"
--Resist the temptation to try to make someone else own their Shadow or take
the responsibility you think they should take. Let them be where they
are-- even if they are stuck. (You might choose, however, not to work with this
person for a while, or permanently. It's always sad when a group finds members
can no longer work together, but it is not necessarily tragic. Group members
may simply be growing in different ways.)
--Don't try to fix the conflict, or others. Instead, take responsibility for
your own part. If you truly have no part in perpetuating it, then let go. If
you didn't create it, you can't fix it.
--If you've made mistakes, if you've hurt someone, admit it. Make appropriate
amends. Feel the pain, the hurt, the shame, the guilt, go through it, and grow
from it. This is hard at the time but feels better in the long run than
avoiding the pain by blaming someone else, defending yourself, or identifying
with some aspect of the Self-Hater.
--Starhawk
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